It's me... again...
A bit of a fresh start as I actually deleted all my previous posts thinking that this blog was a stupid idea and I wanted no evidence that it actually existed. Well that clearly didn't last...
We are currently in the middle of a lock-down in South Africa (Covid19 pandemic) and essentially I am stuck at home since being told that I will no longer be required to work from home (talk about an unplanned staycation).
While the rest of the world is struggling with the idea of staying put, I have decided to embrace it with as much reading as possible as well as attempting to introduce new things into my life. I am trying meditation each morning - 5 minutes of guided meditation from a Youtube video, which might I add, is not easy with 3 dogs! I have also started to spend a bit more time in the kitchen which is something I never really do because when I get home from work I just want to be a couch potato. And lastly, my favourite, spending more time absorbed in books!
So before lock-down I decided that I would get some books and get back into reading as I have been neglecting it lately and essentially discovered that I actually need books for my mental health. I mean I tried last year but it was a bit crazy for the most part - we moved into our own house, I broke my wrist (yes alcohol was involved) and was stuck at home for more than a month, my fiance moved to London for 3 months for work, I was studying a management course through my company all while trying to plan our wedding that happened in November! It sounds fucking insane when I list it and it wasn't until I actually said it out loud that I realized how crazy the year actually was.
Listing all of these things makes me think about all the things that I take on in life, trying to put others ahead of myself because that is what we are taught to do as women. I just finished my third book of lock-down - Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis and there was one page that just stood out to me... page 42.
"After all, their happiness matters more than yours does, right? They matter more than you do. The only way to be a good mother, daughter, sister, friend, or whatever is to show up for the other parties exactly how they want you to, when they want you to, right?" (Hollis, 2019: 42)
And isn't that the truth! It's always about everyone else.
"The problem is that most women I know don't struggle to show up for others; they struggle to show up for themselves." (Hollis, 2019: 42)
What can I do to keep my husband/life partner/boyfriend happy and accommodated? How do I be a better friend and make sure that they are happy? What do I need to do to keep my boss happy even though I hate my job? Self care is such an important thing in life and yet we fail to take the time to take care of ourselves. How many times have you been the sick person in the house, the one that requires bed rest, yet you are still cleaning up after everyone and sorting out dinner? It's fucking frustrating don't you think. I mean at least give us that moment where we can actually get the rest our body is crying out for.
So what do we do?
How do we get past this selflessness?
Well I attempted something simple yesterday and it really helped me (and is also partly how I stumbled across this quote and back into the blog). I put in my earphones, with music so loud that I could purposefully not hear my husband and I unashamedly read the entire day. I felt good just indulging in a book and not having to think about anybody else for the entire day. I didn't think about lunch or dinner... a sort of blazei attitude and it did me the world of good.
Okay so maybe you are not as passionate about reading as I am, but maybe it is a long soak in the bath, or doing your hair and nails or whatever it is that you can do where you do not need to worry or think about the other people in your life except yourself. It is about taking those moments and consciously putting yourself first without any guilt about what others might think.
I mean Rachel says it best with her title - Girl, Stop Apologizing.
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